This entry is part 2 of 6 in the series Small Things Done Often
(The most powerful parenting tool is children seeing a mom and dad in love)


There is a section of scripture that speaks to a problem that raises its head in many marriages. The scripture says, “5 You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had.6 Though he was God, he did not think of equality with God as something to cling to. 7 Instead, he gave up his divine privileges, he took the humble position of a slave..”

When you married your spouse, you saw yourselves as equals.  And you were! Though you were different in your gift make up, skill sets, experiences and in other ways – no one was superior.  Philippians 2 calls us to do what Christ Jesus did but in the area of our marriage.  Though you are equals, like Jesus you are going to voluntarily give up your right to being equal and take on the form of a servant so you can meet needs in your spouse only you can meet.  No battles on being treated fairly, or looking for your spouse to pull their weight.  You are giving your life to helping them become all they can become as a believing spouse.  You have voluntarily given up your right to be treated as an equal. That is the foundation for Ephesian’s 5 exposition on marriage.


“21 And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

22 For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23 For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. 24 As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.

25 For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her 26 to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word.”


Remember in Christian marriage you are voluntarily not clinging to your right to claim equality. Your highest priority becomes serving your mate.  I understand not every believer is willing to go here.  But then you have to own monitoring the level of fairness you are receiving from your spouse and negotiate with them for better terms. But you have taken the ‘christian’ out of your marriage.  Is it right then to call on God to help your marriage when it is not his plan you are following? God also gives us specific roles; women to submit to their husband’s leadership and men to love their wives as Christ loved the church.  Plus much more!  The strange truth is – when you do what seems like setting yourself up to be taken advantage of, you find joy and fulfillment.

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